This morning started earlier than usual at 4.45am. Usually I'm up by 5.00 to help Jen with getting Maggie's lunch ready. Although I'm not working at the moment, I don't think that should prevent me from helping to get the little one ready for daycare, in fact I think I have an obligation to do more.
Anyway, this morning was a little treat for me. I got ready and headed out to the local golf course to do 18 holes. I got there early and waited in the cold. Hard to believe its almost 60F outside and heading for 70F, but at 6.30am, it was 41F. I managed to persuade some old guys to let me go ahead of them, so I had the course to myself. I don't think they turned on their hearing aids yet!
Today was a practice round because I'm trying to get better at golf and I have done a lot of work at the driving range, but until you get on a course, there's no way of finding out how things are going. I was glad to get out alone because I thought I would feel less pressure if there was only me. Golf is a funny game because most of the battles are fought between your ears and not on the grass!!
I had a few disasters but settled down after about four holes until I realized that I hadn't taken my medicine for my ADD. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy but living with ADD means that daily medicine is something that can be the difference between great days....and not so great days. I knew I couldn't get to the medicine until I finished, so I just told myself to play shot by shot and do my best and not worry about the score.
The overall score was not too great, but the important thing is that I hit the ball better than last time. It will all come good with practice, so I wasn't too unhappy with the overall score. I was proud that I got out and got over the nerves that I usually have on the golf course.
I got home and immediately took the medicine. I take an extended-release daily medicine called Vyvanse and it lasts 14 hours. As usual I saw a huge difference once I took it. Its not something magical that suddenly makes everything go your way. What it does is allows the brain to block out the potential distracting elements that usually interfere with the brain functions of an ADD sufferer.
Actually sufferer is a good word. For years/decades I though I was somehow incomplete, somehow "faulty" when I looked back at all the things I did. When I received the diagnosis last October, it didn't help me from being let go from my job about four weeks later. But the one thing I'm most proud of is that I went and got help for it. The therapist and psychiatrist who helped me really allowed me to understand and approach this on my own terms. It made sense when I was diagnosed, and I felt a huge weight off my shoulders. I was initially scared because of my age and having a wife and child to support with no job. But I knew deep down that the future doesn't have to equal the past and the future can be so much better. Who you are today isn't what your life should be defined as. I know that now is the start of the next beautiful chapters of my life. Sure I still have some things that don't go as well now. But I'm learning to accept and move on rather than let things stew and boil over.
So today, I have made a resolution. My profile picture was taken about an hour ago and I'm also going to document my weight situation on MyPlate on www.livestrong.com. They have an application for my phone too. I'm going to document all fitness, calories consumed and weight daily so that I can really better understand the path back to fitness and allow me see progress and also where I need to adapt. Hard to believe that I was a professional cyclist in Europe in 1989, with my name in the papers almost weekly. Also, my weight today is 226.6lbs. Another "hard to believe" is that I weighed 154lbs when I came to the US in 1993. Those are two things I could beat myself up over but I'm going to change and it'll be new territory for me, its my adventure.
Off to lunch now, hope everyone has a great day!
Come on United!!!
"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities... because it is the quality which guarantees all others."
Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill
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